Grumpy Cat cushions, Etsy.com
Himself indoors is frequently frustrated by my fondness for cushions. “But what are they for,” he will exclaim, as he rests himself on a pile of them while blowing up some elves or wizards or whatever it is he doing on his Xbox360. “I mean they’re so useless,” he says, snuggling deeper into their downy curves. “So pointless,” he repeats, reclining in comfort, shaking his head. “Women.”
This antipathy may stem from the time I made him put two $75 (each) Marimekko cushions on his credit card at Crate and Barrel in New York and then made him carry them as hand luggage the whole way home. Well, I was minding a set of bowls from Anthropologie.
Oh homewares, you addictive crack, you.
“Pointless,” he repeats, reclining in comfort, shaking his head. “Women.”
But he’s not alone, is Himself indoors. Most men of my acquaintance think they are completely stupid too. Does this mean that all the couches of straight single men – who are not in relationships with cushion-obsessed women – would be entirely rock-hard and cushion free? Don’t they realise what they are missing out on?
I put it to Twitter. One friend thought her fella might have had “a couple of cushions,” but that they were of the novelty type and he regarded them as “a necessary evil.” Someone else asked her boyfriend about his feelings re: couch accompaniments and his vengeance was swift and cutting. “CUSHIONS! That’s the last thing I want to fucking think about,” he retorted. Oh, right so. Still another recounted the inexplicable tale of her husband flinging all cushions to the floor and then moaning about how the sofas kill his back.
There was one small pinpoint of light in the uncomfortable un-cushioned gloom. A lone male voice piped up and said, “I adore cushions. I get upset and stressed when there’s a cushion shortage.” I wanted to know more. Why, what was it that made this straight man appreciate their ways? “I hate sinking into sofas. Hate being enveloped by them. Cushions are supportive. Friends to the back.”
There is hope yet ladies. There is hope yet.