I realise that I am a bit cracked in the head but I do like and enjoy a good teatowel. Not yer boring waffly type that actually works to wick up water and which you’ll use for its function. I have plenty of those boring yokes.

No, no. I’m talking about the decorative type of tea towel which you have artfully draped over the cooker handle and you screech at your boyfriend if he dares to try to use it.

You know, the good tea towels.

After three or four attempts at taking bacon out from under the grill with it and being howled at, he will retreat, never to try to use the good tea towel again. You’ll feel bad, sure, but your Ursula Celano Irish Dancers tea towel, €9.50, will still be looking pristine, so you’ll buy him a bar of chocolate on a peace-keeping mission, and an equilibrium will be restored to the two-tier tea towel-ed household.