Pic: style.com

I once had a dog I called Jesus. I found him on Christmas Eve, abandoned on a roundabout near my parents’ house, so the name seemed fitting. My mother, on the other hand, thought that calling a dog Jesus was blasphemous, and she refused to address him as such, so we were forced to rename him. I chose Son of God (said quickly, like Sonogod), and she called him Sonny for short.

Similarly, she was most anti those vests – remember the ones – with the crucifixes on the front, that were all the rage about the same time that vests with dragons on the front were all the rage. I had a vest with a dragon on the front of it once, but a friend bought it for me in some French shop where the sizes are all out of whack and it was tiny, like I’d been body painted as a chubby, childlike bodybuilder.

All that said, it’s a bad time to be my mother (with whom I am clearly obsessed, as I am always talking about her) because religious iconography is seriously big news. (Hashtag notevenkidding) Dolce & Gabbana really put the writing on the wall with their crowned model army, complete with Royal Family-style crucifix earrings, and Valentino went one further by going all nunny on us for A/W 2013.

But this is, after all, about frills, so here are my top five.

Dolce & Gabbana crown

1 Dolce & Gabbana’s gold-plated Swarovski crystal crown

This baby is the ultimate in OTT embellished iconographic jewels (try saying that five times fast). If there was a book on A/W 2013’s religious fervour, Dolce & Gabbana would be writing that book. On a practical level, this crown could be worn in so many adorable and interesting ways (personally I would like to see it with fresh roses woven into it) – although, for €2,460, you wouldn’t want to be the type of person who goes on cost per wear. Still, it’s sold out on Net-a-Porter so apparently some people thought it worst the investment.

ASOS velvet cross tie

2. Asos’s velvet embellished cross tie

If you fancy trying out this whole slightly-religious, shame-the-neighbours trend, this cross tie from Asos would be a good bet. It’s cheap (ish – it’s reduced to €7.81 from €13.01 but I do suspect you could fashion one yourself out of an old piece of jewellery and some black tights), it looks quite cool and it’s fairly likely that you have a shirt at home you could try it out with. It would also look great (very Zooey Deschanel but in a good way rather than a New Girl way) with a collared dress.

Heritage necklace from Etsy

3. Topshop’s “Heritage five row necklace”

I do not know what possessed Topshop to call this the “heritage” necklace, because heritage is evocative of tweeds and Wellingtons more than rubies and (faux) gold, but here we are all the same. Taking more than one cue from Dolce & Gabbana’s crowning glory, this is a far more cost-effective way to buy into the religious regality of the Italians’ A/W collection.

My main concern – because I can’t see it on a model – is that this is going to be a very 1990s choker, rather than a slightly longer (fits over the collar of a shirt) neckpiece. I suppose only in-store sleuthing will answer that, but do not buy in terrestrial Topshop, as their euro-sterling exchange rate is a crying shame – this is £22.50.

Nail from Jesus' cross, available on Etsy

4. Nail that attached Jesus to the cross pendant

If you’re not all that into over-the-top jewels . . . well, what are you doing here, really? But if they’re not your thing, this copy of the nail that attached Jesus to the cross could be more your speed. I have so much to say about this while simultaneously being almost speechless.

My mother would, of course, be horrified by the idea of it, but then again she’d never really know what it was. In all seriousness – and loath as I am to get into this – if you are of a religious inclination, this is quite a nice way to wear your faith without being in your face about it. €33.16 by Artisan Pieces on Etsy.

MFP ring from Mywardrobe

5. Heart and cross enamel detail midi ring set

Back to blasphemy for our fifth choice, a rather understated ring set by Italian designer Maria Francesca Pepe, €98.40 at my-wardrobe.com. These rings are both chunky and understated, slightly religious and also just a little bit quirky. A disclaimer is required though, in that I do not enjoy midi rings, and my fingers do not enjoy them either (Fluffers loves a good midi ring).

Beginning with blaspheming, ending with fluffing – Frillseeker’s really the site that has it all, isn’t it? (Yes, signed Kirstie)