If you missed out on yesterday’s Mumsnet thread of utter internet comedy gold (it has managed to surpass the anal sex at Centreparcs thread, and that takes some doing), then let me catch you up.

User SaraCrewe wrote, “We have a dedicated post-sex cleanup area on the bedside table. A box of tissues, a small bin, and a beaker of clean water for temporary cleaning/dunking while the bathroom is occupied by me. Apparently our penis beaker is strange and not the done thing.”


After the entire office finished howling with laughter, we gripped our sides and read down through the thread. Responses ranged from “Has there ever been a midnight mixup with a glass of drinking water?” to “I’d hate to get the spermy beaker mixed up with the squash beaker in the middle of the night” and this classic, “that must be sexy. You do it then spring apart, you rush to the bathroom and he plunges his knob into a bucket.”

But I completely lost it when I read this, and began to whinny like an overridden horse (sorry, bad metaphor, considering): “Does your OH say things like ‘I’m feeling fruity tonight darling. FILL UP THE PENIS BEAKER!?”

Further perusal of the thread, while shrieking with laughter and wiping our collective eyes, determined that a Penis Beaker – should you want one of your very own – must be plastic, green and dishwasher safe.

Rice melamine cup

Like this feller from Rice. Just the ticket, eh? You can find Rice stuff at Avoca and Debenhams, by the way.

Mr Wolfie Beaker

But just in case you don’t want to copy the originator of the #PENISBEAKER and would like to plough your own furrow (yeow!), then how about this stylin’ Donna Wilson design from Rume.co.uk?

Here’s the clincher: it’s called Mr Wolfie. Stick that in yer Penis Beaker, eh?