Ah yeah, we’d be looking confused too.

Fashion. Tricky auld business when you’re a ‘sleb, wha? So, designer brands like to cosy up to celebrities – Chanel loves Kristen Stewart, for example – and when they get you over to Paris for their couture show of course, you’re only delighted. 

Then quick as a flash, and before you really know what’s going on, you’re bundled into a room and told what to put on. Because the normal rules of not wearing the band t-shirt to the gig or the designer’s stuff to the show, oddly go out the window with high fashion.

kristen stewart at the chanel couture show

What …? No, but… I….

There’s no real time to protest, object, call your PR person, cos the show is starting, like NOW. 

kristen stewart at the chanel couture show

So you put your head down and take the quick walk (of shame) to the venue in your finery, all the better to be brand-identified for the designer. Yeah, it works for you too, cos of all that nice mutual publicity it generates.

So, hang it if what you’re wearing a) doesn’t suit you or b) it’s not remotely your normal style. But side-on it looks ok… doesn’t it?

Yeah, you’re just not too sure it’s all gelling, but heck, there isn’t time to worry about that now, because, fashion. 

kristen stewart at the chanel couture show

You’re sitting down now. Phew, you think, I reckon I’ve pulled this off. Yay!

kristen stewart at the chanel couture show

HAHAHA NO! Turns out that, at your leisure post-event, you’ve now got time to digest the fact that you’ve actually been completely clowned by your designer pal and have faced the entire press cadre, paparazzi and internet wearing giant granny knickers, crochet harem pants and white silettos.

A lesson for us all, not to mention something we wouldn’t recommend you wear with silver body chains this summer either.

You’ve been warned.