I’ll lay my cards on the table here: I love tattoos. I have three (a star on my wrist, a la Gisele; a tramp stamp, a la everyone who’s ever been to Mallorca on a sun holiday; and an Ogham inscription on my foot which, had our Celtic ancestors used words the same way we do, would say “uisce”) – and I don’t regret a single one, despite the efforts my boyfriend makes to tramp-stamp-shame me.
I’m currently in the throes of planning my fourth: a geometric portrait of my dog, Coileán, on my forearm, in shades of blue and violet. You may think I am joking; you would be wrong.
So, in a way, I don’t think any tattoos are wrong, or stupid – unless they’re misspelt or, y’know, a terrible attempt to cover up a misguided expression of love. That being said, on a sliding scale of stupid, some fare worse than others. Examples?
Miley Cyrus's "Just Breathe"
"Breathe" tattoos (and their variations) are hilarious because of just how obvious it is: just breathe? How about trying not to, because that's far more difficult. It's fair to say that if you need a reminder to breathe, you should perhaps be investing in therapy rather than artistic ink.
Anja Konstantinova's "Meow"
Firstly, who spells it like that? Isn't it "miaow"? Although I can definitely see why you'd want to go for the abbreviated version, when having something tattooed ON THE INSIDE OF YOUR LIP. How did that even happen? Was Anja at home one day, just, y'know, not eating and doing sit-ups, and thought, 'y'know where I'd REALLY LIKE a tattoo?'
Hayden Panettiere's "Vivere senza rimipianti"
It's unfortunate for Hayden that her tattoo is meant to mean "live without regrets" because, well, the word for regrets is misspelled. Still, I ain't too mad at it because I love Hayden (she is the best thing, hands down, about Nashville which is, hands down, the best trashy TV soap out there) and, in any case, she's getting it removed. Ouch!
Cara Delevingne's "CJD"
To anyone born pre-1990, the acronym CJD will only ever mean one thing: mad cow disease (or, more accurately, Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease, the human form of mad cow, and a rare, degenerative and almost always fatal brain disease). To Cara, of course, CJD will always mean, well, Cara. (The day I decide to have RMC tattooed on my body somewhere, someone, please, stop me.)
Mena Suvari's "Lion-head, Word, Sound, Power"
So tattoos are art, and totally subjective, and shouldn't really obey any rules - other than, you know, the rules of logic. And Mena Suvari's Aslan-meets-Bikram mantra is just a whole world of confusion.