When Charlotte Tilbury launched her line in LA recently, she had her personal aesthetician Dr. Nigma Talib along for the ride, all the better to give attendees, (who included Kim Kardashian) targeted face readings. 

Uhuh. Face readings.

Specifically, to diagnose new terrors such as wine face, dairy face, and gluten face.

Hands right fucking up. I’ve gotta be suffering from all three.

Gluten face though, that must be the one to terrify the masses most, given that everyone in the pampered, privileged western world is suddenly terrified of this protein doohickey.

That’s what it is, by the way. A protein element that gives dough elasticity. 

Gluten has no side-effects on me – nor possibly on the vast majority of people who shun it either *whistles innocently* – but it’s currently trendy to eschew it, so hey.

How does gluten face manifest? “Gluten face is actually belly bloat, which also shows up as puffiness in the face,” Dr. Nigma Talib says. It’s all apparently a result of gluten causing digestive issues knocking into hormonal imbalances. These then result in drier, age-ier skin. Oh, great,

In actual fact, this sounds a lot like glycation, a very well known process of ageing that’s caused by too much dietary sugar – we’ve explored it here – and which, will of course, happen if you stuff yourself with too many carbs. 

So, perhaps it’s not gluten’s fault at all. Jus’ a little something to think about.